Saturday, February 21, 2004

Daddyweather's Things That Are NEVER True.

Daddyweather's Things That Are NEVER True.

1. Anything contained in an unsolicited e-mail. Spam always lies.

2. Anything one school child says to another that seems amazing. It might be amazing, but it is not true . . . ever.

3. Any bit of wisdom attributed to the mysterious "They" eg "They say that . . ."  "They" do not exist and therefore never say anything.

4. Anything said on the phone concerning any person who is not involved in the phone call.  Gossip is always false

5. The statement by anyone caught doing anything that it was the "First Time." No one is ever caught doing anything for the first time. They get caught when they become careless and confident that they will not get caught and that takes a few efforts.

6. The statement by anyone caught with anything that it is "Not mine, I was just holding it." Of course it is yours. If it is important enough to be against some rule or law and it was yours you wouldn't let anyone else hold it for you either.

7. A statement of his age by any man who wants you to find him attractive.  Look at him.  If he looks under 25 he is somewhere between 15 and 19.  If he looks over 35 he is at least 50.

(The key to this one, and #8, is the intent of the statement and your own weakness at the moment. If you do not know when you are deceiving yourself and it never occurs to you to wonder why people say the things they do, I can't help you. )

8. A statement of her age by any woman wants you to find her attractive. Look at her. If she looks 16 she is somewhere between 12 and 14, if she looks over 21 she is at least 35.

9. The statement that "I am doing this for the principal, not the money."  If there was no money you wouldn't be doing it at all.

10. Anything said by anyone about their ex-spouse.  They were never that good and they will never be that bad.

11. Anything discovered solely through research on the internet.

12. The results of any survey that supports the position of the person who paid for it. Actually, since all surveys support the position of the people who paid for them you can expand this one and just say "The results of any survey"